Last Fall, I find out my husband battled sexual addiction his entire life. Over the last 15 months I’ve realized the full impact of the addiction and how it’s affected his and my life. My husband began cheating on me just 12 weeks into my marriage. Never knew, never. This continued for 14 years with his mind and body, and there I was loving him through it all. Eyes wide shut, so naive.
Last fall brought the secret into the light, but not every secret came into the light that day. God has little by little continued to expose my husband’s sins. I feel compassion for him. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel sorry at all for making his own bad choices—not at all, but I hate, no I detest that Satan has had such a hold on his life for so long that it’s like undergoing painful brain surgery removing the trash. I truly believe my God is saying, “clean up on Isle three, Clean up”! God’s not letting go, he wants ALL NEW or nothing at all!
“What should we say then?” Should we continue to sin so that grace my multiply? Absolutely not! How can we who died to sin still live in it?
Recently, my husband said he’s realized he’s been taking advantage of God’s grace his entire life. That really made me think, I thought how sad, how sad that we all have an opportunity to have a fully engaged, active, & talkative, relationship with our Heavenly Father but we keep our distance at times so we can feed our self… an addiction, engage in that emotional affair, or hold onto a favorite old sin that we don’t want to give up. Grace covers all sin right? Yes! Grace covers all sin for those that truly want a relationship with Christ, for those that desire to yield to his ways and truly want a relationship with their Heavenly Father. You eventually have to surrender; you eventually have to also want ALL NEW! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Ya’ll we know this answer… if we are living in it, we have not died to it.
“Therefore we were buried with Him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, so we too may walk in a new way of life.”
NEW way of life ya’ll! I’m sorry, but I just don’t believe the Christian walk that my God has laid out for us mean one foot in a life of lies and one foot in the life of church goin, mission work and Wednesday night suppers. New life means NEW! A NEW way, meaning, not the old way.
“But now we have been released from the law, since we have been released from the law, since we have died to what held us, so that we may serve in the new way of the spirit and not in the old letter of the law.”
“Died to what held us…”, We must die ya’ll! Die to self, die to the wants of this world, die to how we used to make choices, die to the things we used to look at, die to the old thoughts in our minds. We as Christians have the greatest gift offered to us in the world, why can’t we just let go and accept that we CAN have ALL NEW, God wants this for us! Why can’t we just jump in with both feet and take what God has for us? The answer is Satan. He’s at work, don’t misunderstand me he has not conquered this world like my God has however satan is busy. He’s busy and working very hard to lead as many of God’s children away as possible. My bible says that I can serve “in the NEW way of the spirit.” I want to and I don’t want to look back.
So Today ya’ll, I’m claiming NEW…. I will not lie down and believe that loving my husband in continued sin is what my Lord has for me and our marriage. I refuse to believe this. I will not believe this. I will plead the blood of Jesus over him each day, I will bind satan in his precious name and I will stand firm in what I know, and what I know is that my God wants ALL OF HIM and wants ALL NEW for him and all of us!
Dear heavenly father, I’m exhausted, I’m tired, and I’m weary.
Almost every day I think being in Heaven with you would be better, well in fact I know it would and I do look forward to it Lord but only according to your timing! Lord, father, I know that you have a purpose for my husband, my marriage and my family. I have seen you work miracles since last fall and seen a man who could hardly open the word to a man who is reminding me that it’s time to read the word and pray. Lord, I know your word we’ve read has planted like a seed and that you are growing it.
Lord, I love the way that you keep exposing my husband’s lies, and thank you. I love that you aren’t tolerating any self-reliance anymore and that you are continually reminding him how much you want him, all of him, the NEW him that you want him to be and thank you.
Thank you Lord, please give me the strength to endure the trials that come from his consequence. Please help me to be the wife you’ve called me to be. Help me to love my husband the way you want me to love. Love through me, please Lord, I need your help desperately.
Thank you Lord, Amen.